Did I just rub one out to Vintage Porn?

I dont know if this is where I feel ashamed that I am jerking off to stuff my Dad probably jerked off too, or if I feel proud that I’m such a sexual deviant that even 70’s porn with unkempt bushes is enough to do it for me.

I was on my favorite site http://www.pornhub.com, unequivocally the best site for free porn, and I saw a 97% thumbs up on this “Hot oil massage from Asian.” Let it be known that I have NEVER seen a rating on that site over 93%, so I knew this had to be a mistake. Three minutes in, of some super hot chick (in any decade for that matter) having her glorious rack lubricated by a headless man (Who wants to see your man face anyway?) and I am hooked. I cant believe that seeing some girl oiling her boobs up, and stroking a limpish dick is doing it for me. The soundtrack was absolutely priceless. I almost left the room to go drop some LSD and enjoy the tunes, but my glass pyrex sex toy was cooling down and there was no time to waste.

Side Note: Pyrex sex toys are amazing. Throw them in the microwave for a minute, and it feels like it is melting your lady bits like butter. Lube not necessary.

So the scene goes on until they are fucking, oil and all, and in typical old porn fashion, no dialogue or noises, just music. Normally this bothers me because I like to hear a chick getting off…it just…helps. Unless she spends the whole fucking time whining “What are you gonna do with that cock? Do you like my pussy? Come on Daddy.” and a bunch of senseless dribble distracting me from my goal at hand. No pun intended, bing!

So I realize the beauty of vintage porn is, they haven’t diluted it with what the porn scene is today…cocaine, silicone, strippers, and fake orgasms. Its just good old fashioned fucking…with more hair, and a moustache.