Sexenemies

I’m not friends with a single man Ive had sex with in the last 2 years…come to think of it, its closer to the last 10 years. Holy shit. Of course most of us dont stay friends with people we have slept with, but are at least on friendly terms? Sometimes I wonder if Im hallucinating, or most people are in fact nicer than I am.

Today I became enemies with yet another man I was previously sleeping with, and it occurred to me that I no longer know how to play nice when a love affair ends, no matter who called it off. So what is it that makes me more comfortable with former lovers living as enemies and not friends? Did it just occur to me that I am fucking evil, or the most immature 32 year old? I imagine this is why folks in their 30’s go to therapy, the not so subtle realization that you are completely out of control, and hardly the capable adult the 20’s version of you thought you were.

The 20’s were kind of awesome, and not just the less wrinkles and insecurity thing. I mean that stupid fucking idea we all had that we knew how shit worked, how we worked. Before every PBS drama series we watched reminded us of our own life, even if it was set in turn of the century England. Before social anxiety, emotional unavailability, and cervical biopsies.

I digress though, the issue is why I hate men. I positively hate them. Sleeping with me is a friendship death sentence. Its accompanied with unrealistic expectations, moody displays of narcissism, and some of the most horrific and emotionally scarring emails and texts any man could hope to never receive. I am a social pariah, and if crying after sex wasn’t a good enough reason to not have it, perhaps making enemies is one. Now that I have discovered the hate gene I’m carrying, I resolve to exercise my disgust with men in a more proper way…getting drunk with my girlfriends and talking shit. Fuck, wait, that was my 20’s.

Its therapy, isnt it? I’m 32, which means therapy to discuss why mom doesn’t love me, and daddy isn’t around. Until then, I will try to inspire less men to despise me. No more snarky texts, nasty emails, cutting words about their shitty personality traits that I dont appreciate. At least for the guy I’m sleeping with now.